Firstly, I would like to begin this post by stating that violence of any kind, verbal, racial and physical – is a crime and a serious one at that. The ‘complication’ victims of domestic violence may feel is that it is someone whom they love and whom they are close to that are hurting them and this causes a deeper struggle within, with what to do. But violence of any sort should not be tolerated or lived with and help is always there for you. From a phone call to the police, support services in your area or other friends and family, there is always someone to listen and help.
This blog post is not condoning the person committing this crime, but rather explaining why they may be doing it. People who are victimised by domestic violence may often blame themselves for it and think that it is their fault, this is because they are told this and eventually believe it – which is a self-fulfilling prophecy. But this is simply not the case. And I wish to explain what is really going on.
As stated on Psychology Today* there are two emotional dynamics that greatly contribute. One is a critical voice that abusers feel towards themselves and/or their partners and the second is referred to as a fantasy bond; the idea that the other person, alone, is responsible for their happiness. Both of these thought processes are unhealthy and negative.
When someone is suffering internally they often react in different ways, some may go in on themselves, isolate themselves and become depressed. Others may blame their loved ones and take it out of them they are finding it difficult to deal with their emotion in a healthy way. And that is usually what is happening in regards to domestic violence.
There is always an internal reason behind a persons actions, one they themselves are not fully aware of. So if you have ever experienced or lived in an environment of violence, please know you are not at fault, you are not to blame. The abuser is going through something a lot deeper and complex than you may know or understand. You do not have to put up with it, or support them, as no one deserves to live their life in fear. But do not blame yourself.
More information into the psychological explanations of the abuser and the affected person is sufficiently and effectively summarised in this Psychology Today article: *https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201210/why-domestic-violence-occurs-and-how-stop-it