A defeatist mind fails you, before you’ve really tried; it alters your ability to focus on accomplishments and decide your failures even if the facts prove otherwise. When you have a defeatist attitude, you may then form behaviour to support this attitude – becoming self-fulfilling prophecy and confirming you irrational beliefs.
She often dreamt of flying, but in waking life was always told it was too dangerous. She spent most of her 20’s saying no to her dreams, but felt complete dissatisfaction in everything else. She made her excuses; time, money, not realistic. Until one day, she got into that plane and flew it.
There are many things that may cause a person’s defeatist attitude but a lot of it can derive from obstacles from younger life. Children from poorer backgrounds, with dysfunctional families, who aren’t as emotionally supported may often grow with a mentality of can’t.
Parents who raise their children not giving them simple parts of life that the other children around them have; for example not going abroad, not doing activities such as canoeing, or taking days out to the theme park. It will cause this child to think that they do not deserve these nice things, because they see other children having them and them not – they’ll be too young to understand why.
Furthermore there might an opportunity for a school trip, all the cool kids are going and you really want to go too – but your parents tell you “you can’t, we can’t afford it”.
I know this because this is something we went through when growing up and something I often carry with myself every day; some days more strongly than others.
Some days I know what I deserve and am entitled to; but other times, when hitting an obstacle, I believe I do not deserve anything at all and I shouldn’t even try because the world is against me.
A defeatist attitude creates serious self-esteem issues; it can affect children and adults in their education, personal relationships, work and achieving any person goals they seek to set out for themselves.
I’m not saying this is true for all children from said backgrounds, therefore not true for children from loving, financially stable, nurturing backgrounds. But for me, this is the basis of my defeatist attitude.
Although I am able to understand the cause and understand that my parents didn’t have the money or prioritised it elsewhere – doesn’t mean it’s easy to change the effects, that is, my defeatist nature.
But if you find yourself in this position understand the capabilities of the human mind and body. Understand your subconscious pair of glasses and where you think they may have derived from. Consider all your accomplishments, big or small.
Think of someone who you see as a very strong person who achieves great things, someone you know and personal to you – think about the encouragement they were often given as children, now understand why they have this sense of self-esteem, ability and non-defeatist attitude. Understand it’s time to let go of what you were once told and see your life and your world are now in your hands.
Everything can fall into place, with the most helpful attitude.