I’ve had a very difficult time this weekend; which is a true shame because I spent it with one of my best friends and my boyfriend and my mood swings were so frantic and changeable. They were balanced then up, down, left and right. It’s so difficult to be in pain when you’re with people you love. I often find that if I’m breaking down whilst I’m with people I love and care about, it causes me to spiral into feeling more and more worse because I’m letting the people around me down.
Part of my panic attacks is me thinking that I’m a waste of time.
I feel really lucky that I was with my boyfriend and one of my best friends. Because although in my head I was having the worst battle. Even though in my head they were thinking horrible things about me. Even though in my head I felt like a waste of energy, effort and time.
They kept me grounded. They did all they could to ensure I was enjoying myself. They let me do my thing in my head and were there when I resurfaced to reality.
I thank them for their understanding. For not letting me go home. For sitting in silence with me. For talking me out of tears. For telling me to breathe.
And I am terribly sorry for the snapping, the impatience, the panic, the tears and bringing a downer on events here and there.
It’s not me.
It’s my minds blockage.
Always have people near you. Do not distance yourself. People wouldn’t pick up your burdens if they didn’t mind. People know your true beauty, your true personality, your likes, aspirations and enjoyments. All they want is to see you smile and know you mean it.
Do not alienate those around you with the thought that they do not care. They do.
Do not push them away with the thoughts that you’re no value to their life. When you smile, you are.