A few days ago I went to a screening of Nina Forever, a wonderfully weird indie film. The main thing I took from the film was that if you spend all your time and effort trying to fix others you end up breaking yourself.
This morning I had a talk with my friend. They hadn’t been feeling very happy within themselves. I said when I have those dark days, I like to sit back and think about what triggered those negative emotions. I mentioned how I had developed this skill through therapy and it is really healing for the soul and the mind. It is important for us to sit back and think about how we are feeling. After saying that they thought about what had caused their negative emotions and they realised the trigger. This knowledge has now enabled them to understand themselves a little better, to rationalise what brought them down and to be happy again.
We spend a lot of time thinking about the emotions of those around us. But we don’t spend enough time doing that for ourselves. Why not?
Because it’s selfish?
Damn right it is! We ought to be a little more selfish.
For many years I was feeling negative. I would harm myself. I would cry all the time. I would struggle to get out of bed. I would struggle to fall asleep. Then when I was pushed too far, I started therapy.
Therapy taught me the importance of being in tune with my emotions, with understanding them, questioning them, talking or writing about them.
I was so concerned with pleasing people. I was so concerned with how people perceived me. I was hurting myself. I finally realised that before anyone else can love me truly, I must learn to love myself. I gifted myself time. I gave myself the space and the environment to meditate on my thoughts, my feelings and their triggers. I battled them. One by one. And I still do this every day.
Your emotions are a chemical reaction caused by something external. Give yourself time to feel emotions and ask yourself ‘why?’ Do not worry about what other people think of you. Do not listen to the critical voice within. Be kind and be gentle.
The key to happiness is to allow yourself to feel negative emotions and more importantly to face them.
If you ignore your negative emotions. If you ignore your negative thoughts. They will haunt you and they will stick to you and they will be even harder to battle.
When you are feeling cripplingly sad and having a dark day you can either allow the emotion to linger in your mind and body for days, weeks, months or you can gift yourself time, for you. Time for you to enter an environment you enjoy. Time for you to do a thing you love. Time for you to allow yourself to feel. Time for you to think ‘what caused me to feel this way?’ Then once you have understood the cause, you can change the effects. And lead a happier self.
We often put others before ourselves.We often like to understand everyone else, except ourselves.But in order to truly help and guide another. We must have love and understanding with ourselves first.
Don’t be afraid to understand yourself.
It is the greatest thing you will ever do.
Happiness is your birthright. Go get it.
The poem in the featured image is written by my very talented friend, Scarlett Ward. Her Esty SWPOETRY account is filled with her original creative poetry and more: https://www.etsy.com/shop/SWPoetry?ref=search_shop_redirect