There was nothing quite like the silence of nothing, as I found a place that I felt the desire to sit and meditate within I learnt a great deal about the perfection in silence.
Upon the beginning of our walk with friends made on our trip, I felt an urge to meditate deeply and awaited the perfect rock, which of course I found. It was passing the stream which lead to the beautiful river, but through the bushes and over the rocky landscape there was a perfect puddle formed by a great waterfall. This was the place to meditate.
As they went on deeper into the jungle to find a rewarding view, which I’m sure was even more refreshing in person… I sat upon a rock and began by bringing myself into the present moment. The same way I tell you all the time, 5 things you can see (etc)…
I repeated several times, pointing out different things in my environment, before I then decided what the focus of my meditation should be – it was loving kindness towards myself.
I realize oftentimes I lack a lot of love towards myself; I doubt myself, I feel paranoid that others do not care for me, I am not in control of my ability and many negative things. I realize what limits you in life is the way you feel towards yourself so this is what I wanted to focus on.
When I had my first meditation experience it was focusing on (loving-kindness) Metta Bhavana towards yourself, others and people you may not like; but as I said today I wanted to focus on myself for an hour. I feel I do not struggle with loving-kindness towards others as much as I do towards myself. With this I stated affirmations within my mind and out loud; ‘May I be well, May I be without suffering, May I be happy’ my thoughts guided me onto an affirmation which I performed actions to…
‘’All I have is…
My Mind (I placed the palm of my hand on my head)
My Soul (I placed the palm of my hand on my chest)
My Body (I placed the palm of my hand on my stomach)
And the world (which I drew a circle around the picture in front of me.’’
I enjoyed when these affirmations came within my mind, it helped put things in perspective. When I was suffering with depression, I often felt it was me VS the world; the world was against me and out to get me, I realize now the world is not a conscious being and cannot be against anyone. I imagined placing myself on a map of exactly where I was right now in comparison to where I have been. In doing this I began to realize that just as my mind, soul and body are mine and within my control – so is the world; and it is not as scary a thing but more a thing to embrace.
Any thoughts that came my way, I picked a leaf besides me and placed it into the stream to watch it pass by, just as thoughts do unless you give them too much room to expand in your mind.
In this meditation, I had a truly refreshing and peaceful experience; I’d never meditated in an environment like this and I shall continue to do so because I learnt a great deal about myself. I mean of course I did, I was surrounded by nature and in that I learnt about my own nature. I noticed that oftentimes the things I can say can be of a negative nature rather than neutral and positive and placing that out in the universe not only says a lot about me about myself but the way I see the world; I do not wish to be hateful towards the world anymore – but would it into my own personal version of beautiful.
I remember when I was working in an office environment, there was great deal of negativity circulating each day; if we kept count of the all the negative affirmations, statements and thoughts it was painting a very sad world. I guess I hold onto this way of thinking, because negative thought patterns and behaviors become habit. But this is where that golden statement comes in ‘if you’ve got nothing nice to say, say nothing at all’ I’m hoping to make changes to the things I say, the way I see things and especially how I feel towards myself.
After seeking this peace within, later that evening I felt it was easier to socialize, be open with others, to come across as the warm character I know I can be as opposed to anxious and introverted.
Any negative feelings you have towards yourself utilize meditation as a way to understand them, love them and nurture them into positives. I’ll always be a little shy, a little skeptical but now I realize in balance these aren’t bad things. I guess that’s just like anything.