Childhood Influence, these collection of posts shall now be a mini blog series on my blog. Keep your eyes peeled for more.
Our parents are responsible for a lot more than raising us as children, they are one of the fundamental causes of how we are in friendships, relationships and the development and strength of our mental health.
Being a parent is without a doubt a great deal of responsibility, both in the moment and for that child’s emotional development and future and as I am sure many parents have said and will say again ‘no one teaches you how to be a parent’.
However when parents have their own emotional turmoil and issues, what they fail to realise is children pick up on n this energy extremely quickly and learn from it. As children are supposed to look up to their parents as an example, they learn the behaviours, actions and emotions that their parents give out. Therefore children from dysfunctional, broken families tend to have a great deal of trouble with maintaining their personal relationships and emotional stability in adult life.
For example many Borderline Personality sufferers come from families which dealt with violence and neglect in their younger life; people with BPD have extreme issues with abandonment and can sometimes fear it almost constantly. This isn’t to say that every single person who comes from a family of this type is going to develop BPD and it’s not to say that anyone who experienced sexual and physical assault will either – it’s just to say that there is a correlation and this is just one of many ways we can state that the environments we’re raised in when younger affect how we are in later life.
Children start forming their core beliefs from a very young age, I learnt about core beliefs in Dynamic Interpersonal Therapy; core beliefs are what we believe to be true of the world and ourselves and these decisions are developed within us from a very young age and we carry them on sometimes for our entire lives if we fail to know any better in regards to them.
When in therapy my main core belief was ‘what’s wrong with me’ experiencing some very negative things from a young age, I was unable to truly understand what was going on, so I went in on myself and blamed myself for the actions of others. I still carry this core belief with me now. It is simply something that you believe to be true, serving as an internal guide to your life and how things are going to be.
Holding negative core beliefs based on things you’re told as a child or what you experience can affect you negatively; altering who you are, what you think of yourself, what you are and aren’t allowed to do, how you are and aren’t allowed to be, how to behave and react, you expectations and success.
All these core beliefs that we may be holding onto, if negative, will have negative repercussions on us in later adult life; for instance making you very insecure and creating unnecessary insecurity within a relationships. And this is the point, we cannot change where we have come from, we cannot change how it has affected us up until this point but we can create a positive turnaround, learn and grow because what other choice do we have?